i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
