The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
