I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
