How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
