i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wear drunk well.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
