Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
