hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
