I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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