you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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