my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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