My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
