ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Your penis caused this!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
