You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
