I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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