we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
