from now on my penis is your penis
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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