The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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