k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
