My hair reeks of homosexuality.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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