pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
