the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
