...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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