My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
