i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
