haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
