so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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