U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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