I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
