pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
