I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
