o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize