saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Are we still banned from the library?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
