he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
