i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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