I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
