i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
