I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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