I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
