You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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