the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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