I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
