Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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