it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
