Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
