I feel great
I just peed on a car
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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