As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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