Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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