please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
