i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
