I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
