There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You pole danced in your parka.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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