pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
