I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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