Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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