fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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