I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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