I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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