Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i dont even know how to be here
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
