I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
