the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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