the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
