I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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