I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think I died a long time ago.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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