he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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