a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
