Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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