i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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